my brother....an update

[melissa and mike devries]

still no word yet when im leaving back to maryland, should no on monday....my brothers counts for the transplant were 80% me, went down to 55%, and as of friday are 40%.... so not good.... his counts are also very low (white blood cells, red blood cells) and they dont know why....he normally has that after chemo but hasnt had chemo for a while....we should no more on monday on why his body is responding that way...he was hoping if he could wait awhile that we could all come back to maryland during thanksgiving week... so we can spend thanksgiving with them, so there not alone...sounded good but not sure if were going to be able to wait that long for procedure, or if we can even afford it.....a thought.....my mother in law told me she would pray that i wouldnt have to go through the shots prior to procedure...which was an option, and i told her i still pray....dont take me wrong, but im tired of asking god for specifics, and him saying no!!!! its seems everytime i pray and say like....please let my brothers test come back better....no its just the oppisite....there worse, or no shots.... what happens....shots, so am i discouraged....yah, but ive decided to pray just for our needs and just talk to god...he already knows my heart... so i just let it be...its so hard not to feel failed!!!! so as we step into this next journey of life, i again start the walk discouraged, but its then that i think of my brother and those who are struggling righht along side of him and i think it could be worse....i could be the one fighting not providing...another thought.....jesus says ask and you'll receive......im curious if that applies to me?????God has been good to me, but the whole asking thing im confused on......

[Matt Burger]

We look forward to hearing from you and knowing more about this. Keep us posted and we'll keep praying for you and your brother and all affected.

[michelle lomas]

There is no easy answer...I just think if you keep your heart open, honest and raw before God, when you look back on this you will see Him in the middle of it with you. The prayers He did answer, and why He chose to answer or not answer the way He did. And to be honest, sometimes I think we will have to wait for heaven to understand the reasons for things. Only He sees the beginning to the end & what is truly best for each person He loves. I am only sharing what I have experienced as I have walked with God and wondered if He was even seeing me or my pain or that of those I love.
Hold fast Melissa. God can be trusted.

[melissa and mike devries]

michelle, thank you for your words of encouragement....i know what you saying is so true, but its so draining for me.....i just pray for some good news and yet, it just doesnt come....i know he has a plan, and his plan is the best, its just hard for nothing good to come our way...but at the same time i do see what he has done for us along the way.... he has given me more strenght then i ever thought i would have..... he has calmed the waters when they seem overwhelmingly rough....he has made me spead my wings and take off, but on that note all this is so phsically and emotionally draining.....

[Joey Aszterbaum]

Hey Melissa...we are praying for you and your brother almost every day as a family.

Don't fear failure! Remember that it is the weak and foolish things that God uses to shame the wise. His power is made perfect in weakness.

Remember Jesus, who we follow. He was hated, cursed, tortured...and felt that God had abandoned him. Total failure.

But his prayer (and one that God will answer for you, I promise) was 'nevertheless, not my will, but thine'.

Christ crucified was the glory of God. Be strong and courageous. Stubborn in faith.

Easier said than done...

When will your family visit us, eh?

[Richard & Jamie Nugent]

I know you are stuggling so hard with all of this. I know that we don't see you as you are in private ...... in the quiet place, but God does. He understands your hurt, your pain, your frustration and yes, even your anger. Even though we don't see you in that place, many of us also understand your struggles. All I can say is Michelle hit it right on the nose. There is no easy answer and we may not understand the why's until we see God face to face. I know it is hard not to feel abandoned when it seems like every response is a no. God is here with you, with Freddie, with your family and He will never leave you nor forsake you. You are his child, his chosen one. Seek to be and remain in his light in the good times and the bad. When you think negatively, stop and ask yourself "can I be thinking positively?" "How can I look at this more positively?" "Lord please show me the positive in this moment I am in." I know that is way more easier said than done, but try it moment by moment instead of hour by hour, day by day, or situation by situation. Take smaller bites. Turn your thoughts around on satan and don't let him have control of them. You know he seeks to find our weaknesses and then preys on us through them. I am speaking to myself as well you in the negative to positive thing. You know I love you and am praying for you always, even if I can't get to the tribe eveyday :)